I’ve had some time to sit back and examine my…situation the past two or three months.

Here’s what’s going on. (In chronological order)

I had my heart broken.

(Not quite… but I am single again. No hurt feelings, things just didn’t work out. Good thing I’m 23 and a handsome fella if I say so myself.)

I took a trip up to Rochester.

( I realized that come this May I will no longer know any students still at the school. No reason to make any special trips to visit people. Though I’d definitely stop in to see Dave Walter, Mike Dear and the rest of the Cage crew if I was in the area. )

I had an insane week of work leading up to an awesome Halloween.

I’ve taken some very dramatic steps in changing the way I live my life. For the past 3 months I’ve been either running or lifting every day. I went from pretty much as minimal physical exertion as possible for about… 5 years or so…to…well this week my endurance run was a little over 7 miles. I’m doing an event called Tough Mudder in May. Speaking of which…I’m raising $150 for the Wounded Warrior project in conjunction with the event. If anyone wants to donate (even $5 or $10) you can here.

I’m eating healthier foods. I’m eating more often (I’ve been known to get so wrapped up in work that I skip meals). I’m in the best shape of my life and couldn’t be happier about it.

I still live in Northern New Jersey. Yes I still don’t like it here but so be it. You know… everyone bashes on New Jersey but it’s not all THAT terrible. Yes the traffic is awful. Yes parts of it smell (who the hell decided to put landfills next to one of the most traveled highways in the area?!) but I know that out West and further South aren’t all that awful. It’s just any part that touches NYC is just ugly. It’s an ugly ugly area where I live. It’s the most demotivating place to take pictures. Especially since I take mostly landscape/urban landscape. Besides my commute I have no desire to drive anywhere to photograph because it’s so god damn frustrating to get anywhere. Wait, I was supposed to be saying why it’s not so bad. Oh well.

To be quite honest, I don’t think I would be happy in NYC either. Sure, I’d actually have a social life and there would be things to do and see. I unfortunately don’t have the money that I believe would be needed to live happily in New York. It’s great to visit though. I’d probably spend a lot of time in the Strand bookstore and subsequently have both an awesome photo book collection and be broke. Not so good.

I recently saw Alec Soth (rhymes with both) give a lecture at FIT. It was refreshing. Reminded me of why I enjoy his work. It was nice to hear him talk about his process and his frustrations and the general pressure that can come with photography. It’s a pressure I can relate to very well. For him…pressures that come from knowing that there’s now an audience (an extremely critical audience as you all know). For me…pressures from spending over $100,000 on a photography degree when my ultimate goal isn’t to be a commercial photographer.

I think I need to expand my view with things that are new.

I talked about why I have trouble photographing in New Jersey (it’s ugly). Do I have to feel bad about photographing without an encompassing project or goal? Stepping back, I feel as though I haven’t lived in New Jersey this past year. I was dating that girl in Rhode Island and in the past year I’ve spent more time on RT95 between the two states than in either of them. I still don’t feel like I actually live here. I just work here. I don’t feel like I live in Rhode Island either. It took me a long time to feel at home in Rochester. It wasn’t until I was really comfortable there that I was really open to exploring the area as much as I did in the later 2 years of my college career. It’s something that I didn’t give myself the chance to do here.

I know I still very much enjoy exploring new places.

And visiting good friends.

More to come on Wednesday.