it’s all that i’ve seem to have the money for as of late. masive boxes of instant pancake mix, mashed potatoes, peanut butter and discount bread from King Soopers.
i’ve been enjoying my life in colorado although it seems to have me trapped- without a computer or any internet. i’ve been sick a lot, trying to write and paint and draw, but i’ve been pulled down by the ease of movies and staying inside on the snowy and sunny days alike.
a few weeks ago my friend asked me to try a new vial of acid he had gotten in, immediately home from work, i was ecstatic as i walked in the front door and i took a few drops. a few hours later i was doing well, the stuff seemed good and i was laying on the couch playing with the sunlight streaming through our front window, stretching and looking at the mountains. a minute later, i felt a pop in my right upper abdominal region. my stomach was starting to hurt, i decided i might have to go to the bathroom. as i sat on the toilet, i began to feel a pulling. i looked down to see my testicles rise, quickly, towards my stomach, they were disappearing, vanishing into myself. i was baffled. grabbing at my ever-shrinking balls, i tried to hold them down, my muscles began to tighten on the right side of my body and i noticed my penis had turned into a wrinkly one inch-version of itself. i ran out of the bathroom, hollering for my friends.
i spent the next four hours trying to convince my friends that i needed immediate hospital attention and was not imagining this. my condition seemed to be worsening and i was beginning to loose it. they went to the grocery store to find me some niacin, which they thought may flush my blood and kill my trip, it seemed to slow it down for a little, mainly it just turned my pale skin a hellish red and had it burning like the devil. finally we got to the hospital as i began to trip again. i sat in the emergency room red, itching, wide-eyed and dilated, bent over with one hand down my pants, securing my balls from shooting into myself. i was told later by my doctor i had a triple hernia, one rupturing in the lower left abdominal, protruding into my belly button, another on the opposite right side and one above that. i had also had a testicle torsion and they rose to my stomach, along with a severe muscle spasm.
this is what my past few weeks have been dedicated to. i just finished surgery a few days ago for the main hernia and everything’s back to normal and safe for my testicles and penis. now i have some time off for work and want to begin working on writing and painting, just creating more and again! so sunday + wednesday, i am back and feel terrible for the time missed. i’ve begun working on a cut and copy zine with John Atkins, a good friend from Austin, tx and we should have some things soon. besides for that i’ve done some awful writing, some i will share. i’m sorry this has been long, it feels good to be back.
oh’ and i have to say, i’ve been going over old and new sunday+wednesday content and i wanted to thank Eunice San Miguel and Graham Walzer for some really amazing work on here. the sketches you boys have been throwing down are beautiful and always catch me as i wander the page, they have been really inspiring to me to try and draw more and for writing little stories for fantastic sketched characters.
10:00 p.m. no date
never assume bad
things about a good
women
vice verse.
4:03 p.m. 10.22.2009
to do the line
I’ve been
thinking
about all day-
I’ve been thinking
about you
and I’ve got to move
the note
you left on
my
bed
this morning,
after i had woken and
left for
work.
you signed it love
and left
a fat
heart
on it.
4:28 p.m.
old man wasting
time
you spent years
carving
diamonds
for fools;
tucked away
in your hole
of:
this place is your
hell
and deeper
you
dig yourself
everyday.
you
dream Eater.
4:33 a.m. 11.11.2009
Where the elephants
lay
you told me once
that sail boats
never sink
but last night
in my dreams
I drowned.
and you kept yelling
about
how this baby
wouldn’t
go down.
9:19 11.14.2009
And instead of
a note on
my bed;
signed with
fat hearts
all I
found
was
an orange shirt
we used
this
morning
to clean
my
cum
off your belly
and
my stomach
and
the sheets -
where it stuck
dried.
but i knew the
fat
hearts
were there.
11.22.2009 12:36 p.m.
adolescents
puberty
makeshift ideas
of love.
once you were
a mountain.
now you swallow water
at the
ocean’s floor.